Two Things We Need to Give Up

There are some things we know we want to keep with us in life.  Pictures.  Treasured heirlooms from our family.  And maybe most importantly, those richest of memories at the high points of our lives.

But, there are also some things we need to leave behind.

In Luke's retelling of Jesus calling the first disciples (Lk. 5:1-11), the story ends with a poignant moment of separation:  "When they had brought their boats to shore, they left everything and followed him."

Later, they would learn what things they would need to pick up - including an attitude of humility and deep love embodied by the symbol of a cross.

But, first this.  They have to let go.

As we make our journey through life, we must learn what is essential to "take up."  But, we also must learn what of which we must "let go."

Often times, this "letting go" is practical, detailed advice.  With Lent coming up quickly, we realize that our Christian tradition has - indeed - invited us to let go of earthly things in order to draw near to God.  For Peter and James and John that meant letting go of their professional tools.  No small sacrifice!  Later, Christians have given up everything from eating meat during certain times of the year to foregoing social media in more recent times.

The idea is to clear out space in our life so that we are more able to receive God's good gifts.  Removing clutter, as we all are learning again through Marie Kondo, frees us up to enjoy more.

In the 1990's, there was also a sense of letting go of unhealthy, ungodly things in order to become more godly.  My wife still recalls taking all of her non-Christian CD's to the local Karma store and giving them away one day in an effort to leave behind that old life of hers.  I too had my moments when I purged certain CD's from my leather carrying case, not to mention the other more deeply embedded thoughts and patterns I was encouraged to leave behind.  Purgation is a spiritual practice that does have some merit.

But I've learned the most important thing to give up is not just those "ills" and "vices."

The most important thing we can give up are unhealthy assumptions about God.

Here, let's try it this way.

Let's imagine you're going to go on a long car trip this coming Spring.  You'll be in the car for eight to ten hours a day, and going with you is God.  But, let's imagine that God is someone you would absolutely loathe spending an hour with, let along long hours in a confined space.  Let's imagine that God is going to be very controlling, and very critical.  Let's imagine God is going to give you a deep sense of fear or leave you feeling that something about you is inadequate, maybe even unlovable.

Wouldn't you look forward to going on that trip?

Of course not!  And yet, for so many today, our perception of God is not much different than this.  So many of us have inherited an "image of God" that is hyper-critical and even punitive.

So, today, I encourage you to give up these two unhelpful images of God.  Leave them behind like the boat and the nets that Peter and John and James left.

#1 - Leave behind a God who is disappointed in you

All of us carry an incredible pool of blessings and sorrows in our hearts and souls and psyches.  From our birth, our experience of this world is full of moments of deep assurance, but also of moments of deep pain and insecurity.  This isn't our fault, and none of us can avoid this.  It's just true.  It doesn't matter if we've had the hardest childhood or the most blessed.  As we continue to age, we become toddlers, and this is when we begin to experience two profound emotions.  First off, we learn the joy of making our parents or others smile.  We experience the thrill of pleasing someone.  But, the opposite is true.  We also learn the powerful experience of shame.

For many of us, shame is so powerful that it begins to color and shape our perception of ourselves and our world.  Shame becomes the lens whereby we see ourselves, especially if we grow up in a rigid, critical environment or with "parents" who are constantly finding fault with us.

Nothing can be so damaging and restricting than to let this experience taint our perception of God.  If we believe that God is deeply disappointed in us, it's inevitable that our spiritual life will be dominated by trying to please God or running from God.  I've seen it lead to so many people who end up just wanting to be done with the ride.  A fault-finding, critical God is impossible to please, and is therefore impossible to have any type of true, life-giving relationship with.

If you struggle with this one, I would encourage you to try a few shifts in prayer.  First of all, as spiritual directors William Barry and William Connolly suggest, let go of making pray one more thing to appease God.  Do yourself a favor and start not with prayer, but with something you really enjoy.  Listen to a song you love deeply.  Sit in a favorite part of your house.  Go outside and enjoy nature!  Make yourself a cup of tea or coffee if that is your thing.  And just enjoy the gift of what you are receiving.

Two, if you are moved, just start with these words.  Say them quietly or internally:  "God, I become aware of you taking delight in me and eager to share these good things with me."  That's it.  Don't feel like you have to do anything else.

#2 - Leave behind a God who forces you into things that don't give you life

This is a natural follow up to the first bad assumption.  If God is disappointed in me, than maybe God needs to change me, we assume.  We assume God is constantly looking over our shoulder, trying to improve us.  Or, even worse, we assume God is waiting ... just waiting ... for the chance to punish us for messing up.

We begin to assume that maybe we deserve the bad things in our lives.  This goes so deeply, it is often unconscious.  How many times have you heard yourself or someone else say, "This just must be my lot in life"?  Be very careful when you hear those words because so often that is evidence of an unhealthy image of God as well as a place of unfreedom in your heart.  Somewhere deep in there is a voice within you crying out for something more - whether it be a healthier marriage, a healthier work environment or even for some form of greater justice or equity.  Pay very close attention to those places in your life where you feel resentment, frustration, loneliness, pain, or depression.  This is never what God wants for you, and God is never someone who will inflict those things upon you for your "growth."

That said, this is also true.

AFTER we've had a profound and foundational sense of God's delight and grace and acceptance, God may well invite us to take up some deeper opportunities for self-sacrificial love.  But, God never requires our obedience as a cold, distant parent, simply out of obedience or as a punishment.  Those are cruel gods.  And if this is the "god" we are traveling with, it's only a matter of time before some form of resentment boils to the surface or causes us to disengage.

So, there we go.  Two things we direly need to give up as we mature and progress spiritually.

You'll find that they may be a bit more difficult than giving up old CD's, but you'll also find your load will be a ton lighter.

And you'll notice you're actually enjoying the ride.

~Pastor Wes

p.s. - If you want to follow up with this more, I highly recommend Phil Gulley's latest book Unlearning God.