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Letters from the Land of Advent - Attentiveness

Congratulations to all of you at home enjoying your second snow day in a row.

Or, maybe I should put that another way.

My prayers are with you.

Snow days are wonderful gifts, and there's a reason why Barbara Brown Taylor speaks of them as our last cultural moment of collective sabbath.  When the call from the school comes, parents and children are released to spend a day enjoying good books, playing out in the snow, and watching a movie or two together.  An openness of heart proceeds from the openness in the schedule.  Besides, there's nothing better than the sights and sounds of sledding, boots by the entry-way and gloves and hats defrosting on the heating vents.

But, the second snow day can be a bit more ... shall we say, challenging.

On the second day, things can become a bit more testy.  All that freedom and unstructured play can turn into a lit bit of a mad house.  You can't help but feel like Carol Burnett playing Miss Hannigan in Annie.  Meanwhile, dishes start to pile up in the kitchen.  Soggy soaks and piles of clothes stand as accumulated nuisances.  About the time you realize you've got to make yet another meal for everyone or figure out how to get through the e-learning assignment, you (and everyone along with you) is about to lose your proverbial you know what.

Ah, that little taste of cabin fever!

The longer we spend with those we know and love well, the more likely we are to start seeing those little habits and indocycracies that can drive us up a wall.

Why is it you always leave the milk in the cereal bowl?

 How many times do I need to tell you to make your bed?

 Aren't you about down with your screen time today?

 By the end of the second snow day, a heavy familiarity has fallen upon the household.

Poet and writer, David Whyte was on Krista Tippet's On Being this past Sunday, and there was a line from their interview which begs to be retold here.

"Attentiveness," David said "is the discipline for familiarity."

Let that sink in.

Attentiveness is the discipline for familiarity.

I love it.  In any relationship, in any marriage, in any family, in any long-term activity of being with someone else, this moment will come.  Things will be familiar.  Boringly so.  Or frustratingly so.

In these moments we have a critical moment, a chance to either learn how to embrace the familiarity in a new way or grow inscensed by it all.  A stewing resentment is one discipline we can employ, letting small things build and build into large grievances.  Or, we can pick up the other discipline:  attentiveness.

Attentiveness brings us back to those around us and teaches us to see them again ... anew.  Attentiveness keeps us at the table with our family to hear the telling of this story in a different way.

This attentiveness is not a tuning out.  It's a tuning in to hear and see things a bit differently.

For the several days, I've been listening to Snow Patrol's new album Reworked on Spotify.  Many of the songs I've heard hundreds of times.  Run.  Chocolate.  Just Say Yes.  I've played them in my car, listened to them on long rides, and let them put me to sleep.

But, I had gotten familiar with them.  I started to drown them out.  Some of them, honestly, started to get on my nerves if I heard them come on and would switch the channel.

Now, though, here's this gift.  The same songs have been reworked, reimagined.  And I'm falling in love with them all over again.  I'm bringing a renewed attentiveness to the subjects.

Maybe the same can happen for our relationships.

The clothes will pile up today.  The laundry pile will only get bigger.

But maybe there's a way to listen for a different version of the song on this second snow day.  Or this Christmas season.

Good luck and know of my prayers.

~Wes 






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